Soldier’s widow speaks of loss

An emotional survival story tonight. Although she wasn’t on the battlefield, Mishelle Brown is a victim of the Afghanistan war.

She lost her husband — Warrant Officer Dennis Brown. And tonight she was speaking to a local legion about what she’s lost, and found, in the past five years.

Mishelle: “It wasn’t real at first. I had just talked to him.”

Mishelle Brown’s husband, Warrant Officer Dennis Brown, was killed by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan on March 3rd, 2009

“It wasn’t until May 10th, which was the day he was supposed to come home from Afghanistan, when other people were coming home, that I realized he wasn’t coming home. He wasn’t here. He was never coming home.”

She says she felt too young to be a widow. And had trouble dealing with scars left by her husband’s death.

“It was confusing. Even to this day, I don’t remember a lot of conversations I had with people.”

Mishelle was later diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

“Not only soldiers have PTSD.”

And at this Remembrance Day event at the Merritton Legion she’s telling her story as a widow.

“We both knew that this was our final goodbye. This is why he was crying, this is why he had to tell me he loved me so much. My last words to my husband were I love you.”

More than 5 years later, she says she’s still struggling.

“With a lot of therapy I’ve realized my brain just isn’t wired the same way it was before that day.”

And admits it’s been a long process picking up the pieces and rebuilding her life.

“For me, I originally couldn’t have photos up of my husband. I recently just put them back up on the wall.”

And while people are thinking about the most recent Canadian soldier to die — Corporal Nathan Cirillo — she has this advice for his family.

“The unfortunate part of tragic deaths like this. Murders. My husband was murdered Nathan Cirillo was murdered. Try to find people like you who have been through similar circumstances.”

And that’s what’s helped her get through it.

“There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of Dennis but there are days that it’s less troubling.”

This was Mishelle’s first time speaking publicly like this about her husband’s death and her struggles with PTSD after.

She says speaking out about it is all part of the grieving and healing process.